re·gret
rəˈɡret/
verb
- 1.feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity).
noun
- 1.a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.
For so many years, I went through life saying I have no regrets. If it weren't for my mistakes/lows, I wouldn't be who I am now, which is true. I love who I am today. I am proud of myself and all that I have accomplished so far. But I suppose it doesn't mean I can't, or shouldn't be able to, feel regret.
Last night, someone from my past reached out to me, and it shook up my entire evening. I drafted a post that probably won't ever see the light of day, but I was so furious. I was so overcome by negative emotions I didn't know what to do with myself. I hated that after so many years, a few simple text messages could shake me up so much. I became even more enraged that I couldn't brush off the anger. I simply hated that after so many years, I couldn't shake the ill feelings.
I felt like I was going crazy. For a second I was thinking that I needed therapy for this, but I just realized that it's maybe just time to unload the baggage and stop trying to carry the unnecessary weight. There's a lot of my past that I've chosen to suppress, figuring that if I acted like it never happened, it wasn't real.
I wish I hadn't. I wish I spoke up. I wish I wasn't so afraid. I wish I pressed charges. I wish he went to jail for his wrongdoings. I wish that I wasn't so afraid to speak up for "my mistakes."
When I was 13, my basketball coach made advances and began to pursue a relationship with me...
